Seriously from Tomorrow - Promise !!!
“Fight that fat, Fight that bloody fat, Fight that life fucking fat “shouted Basky, the Gym Instructor.
Kuku was on the elliptical burning his 900th calorie. By the time he got out of the elliptical, his foot was numb and was drenched in sweat.
“Master, I feel good. I think I have more in me. Gimme more” said Kuku with a pale face.
“This is what I want; with this aggression alone you can lose that 10 kilos in a week” shouted Basky again.
“So what’s next Master?”
“Next is your melting time, Lets steam out the excess water in you “
Kuku was made to sit in a little dark room with a small pink towel barely covering his sagging backpack. Once the steam was released, Kuku suffocated but still held his head strong saying to himself “if it doesn't kill me it can only make me only stronger”
(Kuku’s skin says: It’s not just water idiot, it’s the electrolyte with all essential minerals and stuff)
After a life draining bath, Kuku in a semiconscious state tried to get out of the tiny room with Great Spirit.
“I did it Master, I feel so light already……” saying these words Kuku fell on the gym floor unconscious.
(Kuku’s Heart says: Good God he got unconscious before killing me)
Kuku woke up tired the next morning, the gym session last evening was hallucinating him still. With all the remaining consciousness he managed to move into the kitchen and prepare his first energy drink alias the national drink, The Tea.
It served him the dual purpose of an energy drink as well as the laxative.
Kuku was not ready for a gym that day and he decided to cut down on calories instead. The first cut was the breakfast. The logic? When I don’t eat how in the world I can get fat – Point taken.
(Kuku’s Stomach: Dude, it’s been more than 10 hours and this sugar syrup is all that you got for me?)
After the easy decision of skipping the breakfast came the big decision of which pant to wear. There were 50 odd pants in Kuku’s closet and most of them were the ones which he used to wear during his college days. Now those pants hardly reach Kuku’s thighs however he continues to retain them anticipating that day when he gets a slimmer waist like that of Hrithik’s and thunder thighs like that of Amisha Patel. This leaves out with the remaining 7 pants which Kuku frequents every day. The worst part is that he has mixed all his pants together which not only wastes an average of 20 minutes a day but also irritates him to the core for being filthy fat. Meanwhile Kuku did end up finding his pant for the day in a record 12 minutes and spends an additional 5 minutes in putting the hip button.
(Kuku tummy says: Seriously? Do you think by wearing a plus sized slim fit pant, you look thinner? You are harassing me dude. Please loosen up.)
At office, if there is someone who was liked by everyone then it must be Kuku. The reason: Kuku is fat and hence innocent, he can’t work extra hard to impress the boss and finally he can’t grab anybody’s girlfriend so he’s safe.
Now why girls like him? The reason: Kuku is a fat person and he is just like a big brother/sister to them (sister because they like to gossip with him). Kuku being a male, serve them the purpose of letting them know what go through Men’s mind without sounding vulgar.
But what goes through Kuku’s mind was nobody’s concern. He almost falls in love with every girl at the office but couldn’t get lucky as he was always looked upon more of a fatherly figure than a boyfriend figure.
That evening a small surprise party was arranged at the office and Kuku too was invited. The party was given by Kuku’s friend cum Junior, Mangal who was celebrating his first Love anniversary with Anjali. Anjali was Kuku’s senior and his first crush at the office. Incidentally it was Kuku who was instrumental in getting both Mangal and Anjali hitched. He took Mangal with him every time he wanted to meet Anjali. The more the attempt he made the bond between Mangal and Anjali increased.
At the party both Mangal and Anjali were praising and thanking Kuku with their Hearts out as if he was the mahatma for the young and thin lovers like them. However the highlight of the party was Anjali hugging Kuku and declaring to the world that she has got a new elder brother (Looks extra fat has increased Kuku’s age as well)
Kuku left the party in the middle skipping the cake and the food. His heart was brimming with anger and eyes with tears. If there was something empty that time then it was Kuku’s stomach. With all the anger he opened his fridge and took out his month’s stock of butterscotch ice cream. He tried to cool down his anger with the chill butterscotch. Kuku needed the entire stock to pacify himself and his stomach.
That night Kuku couldn’t sleep a bit, he got angry and decided to something about the situation. He wanted to be the person he aspired for and started to plan his schedule from the scratch. With all his determination, he decided to give a fresh start to his plans and since that night was not in his plan, he grabbed the family pack potato chips packet and munched it to eternity saying that he will miss it for a long time to come.
The previous night, Kuku had researched on the best diet plan to lose weight and after browsing through various diet plans; he deciphered into the one which he felt had better reviews and also was easy for him to stick on to. It says, have breakfast like a king and keep eating every three hours to be thin.
Kuku grabbed the concept like a python catching a wild pig. The other thing he decided was not to miss his gym sessions on any account. He ate his breakfast as if it would be the last meal of his life. As per his calculation, he packed six food packets into his bag and left for the office. He was strictly adhering to the 3 hour food concept and as if this was not enough he didn’t miss the tea sessions with his colleagues which always ended with plate of special samosa.
That evening Kuku went to the gym fighting all his resistance and laziness. Once he saw his master Basky, all his sluggishness vanished into thin air.
“Why didn't you come yesterday?” asked Basky
“I am sorry Sir; I was carried away by laziness. But this will be my last excuse you shall ever hear sir” said Kuku as if he was taking oath on a independence day
Bit shaken by Kuku’s uncalled comments, Basky said, “Ok, ok now get back to action and start with the stretching”
Kuku started stretching with his fingers when an old man at the gym came near and asked, “Why don’t you work out with the weights? They are good for you”
Without a hesitation Kuku replied, “I am not keen on building eight packs, I just need a simple body with a flat belly”
Hearing the comment, the Old man starred at Kuku and said, “I am doing weight training for the past 30 years and I am yet to get a six pack and you think you will become Arnold overnight just by working on weights. God bless you child”
Unable to comprehend what the Old man had said, Kuku continued with his stretching followed by his aerobic exercises. This time too he wanted to lose that extra water inside him with a steam bath and as always he came out of it semi conscious.
Basky grabbed Kuku and with his eyes looking into Kuku’s said, “Tomorrow is the turn to check outdoors. You are going to jog and tear those stinking fat inside you into pieces”
“Yes sir “said Kuku who was not sure what Basky meant by those stinking fat though.
This was the first time Kuku was on the roads for jogging on an early morning. He was wearing an overstretched trouser which he bought during his college days. The trouser was way too stretched in all the directions and looked as if it had confusion tearing in one particular direction alone.
The walkers park which otherwise was a pensioner’s paradise was in for a rude shock that morning. Kuku who was running amidst the slow moving oldies made a few of them skip their heart beat with his earth shaking run. As if this was not enough their agony was further tested with Master Basky entering the park and motivating Kuku with his loud shouts & cries.
It took close to an hour’s time for Kuku to finish his jog and for the pensioners to rise from the benches and to continue their walk.
Kuku was too late when he returned home from the Jog. He decides to skip his breakfast and the tea was the only thing which he had taken that morning .He was still trying to keep up his other regime of the eating every three hours; however he had to take the solace of the oily samosa and extra creamy cakes which were the only fresh items available in his office canteen.
That evening Kuku received a call from his boss who instructed him to attend a customer’s dinner invite on behalf of him. Kuku as always said Yes boss while on call and F*#k you after that. The dinner where Kuku was invited was one of the best he had seen in recent times. Kuku’s diet plan was questioned big time by the dinner buffet. That was when he remembered something vaguely which he had read long time back. It said that during dieting, feasting once a while can be useful. With this new found handmade excuse Kuku joined the dinner party and exhausted a generation of life stock on the table.
That night there were three things that intruded Kuku’s sleep. Number one was the guilt of indulging in a massive dinner; number two was the loud calf muscle pain, courtesy: The morning jog and finally number three which was the fresher girl who was newly added to his team.
Kuku stopped trying to sleep anymore; he paused it and got onto to his computer. He googled for tummy exercises with instant results and also researched about diet foods and homemade foods. He decided to go only for health foods from the stores or else cook healthy food by himself.
The next day Kuku wanted to invite the new girl for a coffee that evening and therefore wanted to look at his possible best. For that his blossomed stomach must be reduced to the maximum possible level. Kuku started working out all the crunches and other workout learned from the internet which was aimed only at the tummy.
Before leaving for the office, he managed to cook both the breakfast and lunch for himself. Kuku being a bachelor for sometime had somehow got a hang of cooking and manages to cook the food to suit his taste buds however he is yet to get the quantity part right. Every time he cooks for himself, he ends up cooking huge amount which ultimately finds way into Kuku’s stomach by night.
That morning Kuku invited the fresher girl over phone for a coffee in the evening and surprisingly the girl said yes without a pause. The fresher girl incidentally was told that Kuku is the nicest person in the office with whom she can trust and also trust with her secrets and crushes.
That evening before the coffee time, Kuku slipped into the washroom to freshen up. He noticed that his blossomed tummy is in fact bulging now. WTF he thought, he was not sure why this happened and tried all possible ways to look better but at the end decided to let it go and cancelled the coffee date over phone again.
( Kuku’s Tummy : After all that wear and tear you had done to me during your morning gym , I need time to repair myself and meanwhile the bulge is the damage you had done which shall be rectified by tomorrow)
That night after finishing his home made heavy duty dinner, Kuku got back to his favorite position on the sofa. He decided to watch a romcom with a diet coke and some calorie free biscuits. Finishing the pack of biscuits he got back to the kitchen and came back with two packs of baked chips. He thanked God that there are still companies which are concerned about people’s health. Having finished all of this he decided not to munch upon any more snacks, however after a 10 minute gap, he visits the kitchen and picks up 6 peanuts from the jar and eats them one by one at ease. Since that did not last long, he visited the Kitchen again to get 6 more peanuts and started eating them still slowly. This continued for another 6 times after which he re positioned the Peanut jar near his sofa and ended up consuming it over the movie.
Weekend arrived and so did the long awaited sleep and fatigue. Kuku was in no mood for Gym, Breakfast, Bath or bathroom. He surrendered himself to the bed which had enslaved him with its soft chillness. That was when Kuku received a call from his Boss. He wanted him at the office to close a call. Kuku was eagerly looking forward for this weekend for a self introspection session and therefore declined Boss’s orders. This angered his Boss and he grumbled some tough words on Kuku.
With a disturbed start Kuku was never in a position to get his weekend mood going and therefore invited his friends for a small get together. The friends arrived at his place with loads of alcohol and smoke.
(Kuku’s Tummy: OMG, Butterflies all over my tummy.
Kuku’s Lungs: Butter, still better for you. Mine is smoking already)
Kuku an occasional drinker binged on the beer to lighten up his dull mood. Kuku’s friends kept ordering limitless food over phone and Kuku who otherwise would not have considered eating the outside food was on full form to get the maximum portion of the order. The reason – When I share my money, why should I forego my food. Point Taken.
Again that night the extra food, alcohol with smoke and the fight with boss were obstructing his sleep.
Sunday arrived and Kuku woke up with a loud headache. He made his strong coffee and complemented it with two paracetamol pills. The first decision he made for the day was to live on juices and no solid food.
He goes to his kitchen and without a second thought disposes all his butter, ghee, oil bottles, white rice stock away.
He picks up his diary and strikes through all that he had written for the last week and makes a new chart for the week. To begin with, he wanted to check his weight but gets dreaded before getting on to it. Gathering all possible courage, he stands on the weighing machine. Some solace is seen on his face. The weighing machine was not working, courtesy: low batteries.
Like every Sunday, Kuku called his mother who gave the evergreen gyan of eating well, eating better and eating all the time. Kuku who had reached the threshold of dieting debacle poured all his frustration on his mother. He made her the reason for his size and attitude. The mother on the other hand was happy knowing that his son is healthy as ever.
Kuku began to think that he just doesn’t have it in his DNA and decides to let it go. He slowly walked into the kitchen and started looking for the baked chips and that was when he received a call from the fresher girl.
“Hi Senior, What’s up?” asked the girl
“Nothing much, just Sunday chill” replied Kuku
“Good for you, I am at office. Boss ruined my whole weekend plans”
“OMG, Can you handle it or do you need support?” asked Kuku
“It’s ok, I am alright. But I won’t complain if you can give me company”
“Fifteen Minutes “rushed Kuku
By the time Kuku reached office, there were a dozen more people at the desk.
Kuku reached his seat and looked for the girl around.
“Looking for Anamika?” said a voice behind Kuku.
Kuku acknowledged half heartedly signifying that he was there for the job and not for her and also that he was there for her job.
“His Boyfriend snatched her for the rest of the day and we ended up debugging her codes” said a voice from the back.
Kuku didn't say a word, he kept looking at the computer and also at the numerous thin and young competitions he has.
That night he returned home with a new notebook, some batteries and a case of beer.
His Journey Continues ……..
FYI: Common Mistakes of Weight Loss plans
1.Breakfast or Breakdown
Blood sugar is normally derived from carbohydrate intake or glycogen stored in the liver and muscles. The human body runs on a 5 hour clock. If you don't replace carbs in a meal or snack after the 5 hour mark, the brain sends a signal to the liver to release glycogen stores. The liver unfortunately releases a hefty dose of blood sugar. Rise in blood sugar is over responded with an excess release of the fat gain hormone, insulin. This leaves the sugar in your blood stream lower than normal and the sugar stored in your fat cells higher than normal. (fat stores around the middle, belly fat, back fat, muffin top and high cholesterol/triglycerides)
This resultant lower than normal blood sugar causes the brain to signal for you to "find and eat more carb." If you do eat carb to answer the brain's plea, the excess insulin release, excess sugar stored as fat, and resultant low blood sugar happens again.If you ignore the brain, the liver will automatically release glycogen that will cause blood sugar to rise, excess release of insulin, and also result in excess sugar stored as fat, lower than normal blood sugar, and more cravings.
2. No matter how healthy the food is, a calorie is still a calorie. To lose weight, you need to consume fewer calories than your body burns, no matter the source. Adding small amounts of healthy ingredients to an unhealthy, highly processed food does not make it healthy.
3. Even if you’re drinking real, 100% fruit juice, it is still a bad idea. Fruit juice is like fruit, except with all the good stuff removed. There is no fiber, no chewing resistance and nothing to stop you from downing massive amounts of sugar.
4. There is no reason to avoid foods that are naturally high in saturated fat. This includes butter, coconut oil, eggs and red meat… these foods are perfectly healthy. The fats to avoid are man-made trans fats and refined vegetable oils like corn, soybean and others.
5. What healthy, non-industrial societies that maintain excellent health all have in common is that they eat real, unprocessed foods that resemble what they looked like in nature.
6. Eat slow and give up your favourites to dieting slowly as well
7. Eating so frequently is completely unnecessary and highly inconvenient.
8. Weight loss and health are about much more than just calories. Different foods affect hunger, hormones and health in vastly different ways.
9. Reducing calories too much often leads to yo-yo dieting. When you follow an extreme diet, you’ll lose a lot of weight at first — but then your body will catch on and lower your metabolism to accommodate the reduced supply of fuel. Then, when you return to your normal diet you regain that weight because you’re now consuming more calories.
10. Heavy and excess Aerobic exercises burn the muscles along with the fat. Muscles are in fact needed to burn the fat. So first build muscle through anaerobic exercise on priority (weight training) and alternate it with moderate aerobic exercises.
11. Never worry after eating, if you really want to worry do worry before you grab that heavy plate.