Our Words Shape Us

I’ve always believed that the way a person speaks is like holding up a mirror—not to the incident they describe, but to who they really are. Let me explain.

Once, two people narrated the exact same event to me. Same place, same time, same details—at least on paper. But one of them told the story like it was a festival of joy, a grand celebration where the universe had conspired to make life beautiful. The other narrated it like a Greek tragedy, full of doom, betrayal, and “nothing good ever happens in this country.” By the end of it, I realized something powerful: the incident hadn’t taught me much, but the narrators had revealed their entire philosophy of life in a few sentences. Words were their fingerprints.

This thought took me back to my aunt. She had all the reasons in the world to complain—life had been unfair to her in more ways than one. Yet, she never once let hardship spill into her words. She spoke gently, praised generously, and sprinkled appreciation like confetti at a wedding. Over time, her life seemed to bend in her favor. I often felt her choice of words was like a secret prayer—shaping her reality quietly, steadily.

And then, of course, there’s the lighter side of this “words as mirrors” idea. I’m sure you’ve heard two uncles narrating the same cricket match. One would go, “Wah! What a six! This is India’s new golden era!” while the other shakes his head like he just witnessed a funeral: “This is the end, beta. Our cricket is dead.” Same match, same six. One sounds like India conquered the world, the other like we lost independence all over again. That’s when you realize—truth is negotiable, but words are non-refundable.

In my own life, I’ve become increasingly sensitive to the words I use. I’ve noticed how quickly they can tilt my mind’s balance, either pushing me into stress or pulling me into flow. That’s where my MindFlow idea comes in: our words are like the valves in a dam, deciding whether thoughts gush forward as energy or stagnate into murky water.

And speaking of flow, let me confess one of the small rituals that shaped me recently. Every morning, I step outside my house with a little bowl of food and water for the sparrows. What started as a small gesture soon became my daily meditation. Watching those tiny creatures flutter in, peck, sip, and leave—it hit me: they never complain, never argue, never gossip. Just a chirp, a flight, and gratitude in action. Sometimes I think they’re better communicators than us humans. Their entire dictionary probably has only a few “chirps,” but their life is in perfect flow. Meanwhile, we humans invent a thousand words a day and end up in chaos.

This is where my curiosity deepened: if words shape our emotions, our habits, even our health—how much of our life is simply a reflection of the vocabulary we live by?

And that’s how we arrive at today’s topic: Our Words Shape Us.

Your Daily Word Budget

Research says an average person speaks around 7,000 to 16,000 words a day. But the range is wild. In one famous study, some spoke barely 1,000 words (these are the people who reply with just “hmm”), while others went up to 40–50,000 (basically, walking news channels).

And here’s the fun part — no real gender difference. It’s not men vs. women, it’s more like introvert vs. nonstop commentator. Over a lifetime, even sticking to 16,000 words a day, you’ll cross ~292 million words. That’s enough to write your autobiography… with sequels, prequels, and director’s cuts.

The Input Flood

It’s not just what you say, it’s also what you hear and read.

• If you read for 30 minutes a day, that’s 7,000+ words entering your head. An hour? Over 14,000.

• Add the internet: people spend an average of 6½ hours online daily, including 2+ hours on social media. That’s captions, comments, and endless forwarded wisdom from “WhatsApp University.”

• In India, with 806 million internet users and nearly half a billion social media accounts, we’re basically marinating in words all day.

  
  

Here’s the catch — you can’t control all the words you hear or read. But you can control the ones you speak. And those are the words that start shaping who you are, and how others see you.

The Word-Diet Idea

Think of it like this: the kind of words you use every day quietly train your mind.

• Negative, critical words = more stress, less joy.

• Encouraging, solution-focused words = stronger relationships and a sharper mind.

• Asking good questions = keeps your thinking alive and flexible.

• Immersing in thoughtful books or conversations = builds depth and perspective.

  
  

Does Word Choice Really Matter?

Yes — science has receipts.

• Self-talk works. A review of 32 studies showed positive self-talk improves confidence and reduces anxiety. Talking to yourself is fine; just don’t argue loudly in traffic.

• Labeling emotions helps. Saying “I’m angry” or “I’m stressed” calms the emotional centers of your brain and lets your logical side take charge. Words literally switch gears in your head.

  
  

Quick Adjustments

• Instead of “I’m exhausted,” try “I’m recharging.”

• Instead of “Everything is ruined,” say “One thing went wrong, I’ll fix it.”

• Replace filler words like “whatever” with a question.

• Check your last 10 WhatsApp messages — are they full of complaints, or do they sound like progress?

  
  

  

  
  
  
  

Words in Your Subconscious

As children, learning words is a conscious exercise. We repeat “amma,” “appa,” “milk,” until it sticks. But as adults, the process flips. The more you use certain words, the more they slide into your subconscious vocabulary, becoming automatic. You don’t choose them anymore — they’ve chosen you.

Ever noticed people who keep saying, “I’m tired”? Over time, they don’t just describe their condition — they become the condition. Words turn into a mental wallpaper. Subconsciously, your brain starts treating that phrase as your identity.

Psychology backs this up. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) suggests that language patterns shape how we think and act. Your words create mental shortcuts that your brain happily follows without asking permission. It’s like teaching your GPS to only find “traffic jam” routes.

As the famous quote goes: “Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

So the real question is — what words are quietly looping inside you today?

Where Do You Get Your Words?

The first set of words is the same for all children — mama, papa, ball, milk. But soon, the source of your words starts shaping who you are.

• Parents and siblings: Studies show children in optimistic households pick up more encouraging language and grow into resilient adults, while children in pessimistic homes carry forward more negative phrasing.

• Peers and friends: Slang travels faster than good advice. What you say depends heavily on who you hang out with.

• Movies and series: Bollywood alone has written half the slang dictionary of Indian youth. From “Basanti, in kutto ke samne mat nachna” to “Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi, namumkin hai,” generations of dialogue have seeped into street talk.

• Books you read: Heavy readers tend to have richer, more precise vocabularies — they can say what they mean instead of hiding behind “you know what I mean.”

• Social media: The most dangerous word factory of them all. WhatsApp forwards have created their own parallel universe of phrases, myths, and permanent misquotes. Someone’s uncle in Delhi can casually change your vocabulary in Chennai overnight.

  
  

As one researcher put it, “We don’t just use words; we inherit them.” Your vocabulary is an ancestral hand-me-down from parents, peers, pop culture, and the platforms you scroll at 2 AM.

And here’s the kicker: once these words get inside, they don’t just sit there. They begin shaping your worldview, coloring how you see yourself and how you respond to life.

How Words Dictate Your Life

Words are steering wheels. They turn your mind, your mood, and your relationships without even asking you first.

Take psychology: research shows that when you label a feeling — just saying “this is anger” — your brain’s panic center (the amygdala) calms down and your thinking brain takes charge. It’s literally like your own words coming in as the referee with a whistle.

And self-talk? A review of 32 studies found that when people practiced structured self-talk, their performance improved and anxiety dropped. So yes, talking to yourself is healthy. Just don’t do it loudly on the bus, or people will assume you’ve had one too many filter coffees.

Viktor Frankl, who survived the concentration camps, nailed it: “The last of human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” Words are how we express that choice.

Now, bring this to everyday life. Bosses love words like “synergy, alignment, right-sizing”. Employees hear those words and immediately update their résumés. Same vocabulary, different blood pressure levels. Researchers even call it “strategic ambiguity” — leaders use it to keep everyone in line, but on the ground floor it feels like verbal torture.

I once tried an experiment. For a week, I replaced my usual “ugh” with “next step is…” on WhatsApp. Suddenly people replied faster, decisions happened smoother, and I even went to bed earlier. Proof that tiny swaps like “I’m stuck” → “I’m figuring out the next step” can change the whole day. Words dictate the script.

Other Languages and Silence

Here’s where it gets even more interesting. Different languages don’t just name the world — they tilt it.

Studies by cognitive scientists (like Lera Boroditsky) show that people who speak languages using cardinal directions (“north, south, east, west”) instead of “left” or “right” actually keep better track of where they are. Words literally train their brains to stay oriented.

Think about cultural vocabulary:

Japanese “wa” (和) is about collective harmony. When you live inside that word, life feels more “we” than “me.”

Japanese “amae” describes a sweet, childlike dependence in close relationships. We don’t even have a proper English word for it.

Sanskrit “cit” or “ātman” points you toward consciousness and self — words that nudge you into inner exploration instead of just daily survival.

Bilingualism, too, reshapes the mind. Studies show bilingual people often display better mental flexibility, switching between tasks and perspectives more easily. Though scientists admit it depends on how often you actually switch languages — dusting off your Malayalam only during weddings doesn’t count.

And then there’s silence — the language we ignore. In animals, silence has been linked to new brain cell growth. In humans, mindfulness practices show clear benefits in reducing anxiety and stress. Sometimes the smartest thing your brain can hear is… nothing.

The Tamil “seri” can mean 50 different things — “okay 👍,” “okay 😒,” “okay, but I’ll remember this betrayal forever.” Same word, wildly different results.

The Indian “hmm” is even more dangerous. It can mean yes, no, maybe, leave me alone, or “I don’t have battery, bye.” Aliens could decode our math, but never our “hmm.”

I’ve built my own practice here. I write one thought in Tamil, then the same in English. It feels like wearing two different pairs of glasses — suddenly the world looks broader. And I give myself three pockets of silence a day — 90 seconds each. Morning, noon, evening. That’s it. No phone, no music, just quiet. It resets me better than chai.

The truth is, whether it’s a grand word like ātman or a small pause of silence, each one is shaping you. Pick your words, pick your world.

Dumb and Deaf: A Different Vocabulary

We take hearing and speaking so much for granted that we forget how much they shape our character. For those who can’t hear or can’t speak, life builds a different vocabulary — one that is not always made of words, but of gestures, silence, and expressions.

Sign language isn’t just hand movements. Studies on Deaf communities show that sign languages have their own grammar, rhythm, and even poetry. They build unique mental models — more spatial, more visual. Research has found that signers are often sharper in tracking movement and visual memory because their whole communication system is rooted in space. In a way, what they “speak” changes how they think.

Take Helen Keller. She couldn’t see or hear, yet through the guidance of her teacher Anne Sullivan, she learned to communicate with words spelled into her palm. Keller later wrote, “Blindness cuts us off from things, but deafness cuts us off from people.” And yet, her life is proof that even without the usual tools of speech and hearing, words (in any form) still define who we are.

Now, bring this closer to home. You don’t need to look at formal sign language to see how expressive humans can get. Indian families are living proof that we could probably survive without spoken words if we had to. One raised eyebrow from an Indian mother is equal to three paragraphs of dialogue. A head shake from a father can carry every emotion from “good job” to “don’t come home tonight.” And of course, the orchestra of hand gestures during traffic arguments — honestly, half of India could qualify as certified sign-language performers without ever attending a class.

I sometimes wonder if the rest of us — with all our words — are actually worse at listening than those who don’t hear. Deaf communities develop a kind of deep, visual attention to others that most of us never bother to cultivate. Maybe the real handicap isn’t theirs, but ours — drowning in noise, forgetting the power of silence, and ignoring the subtler languages around us.

So here’s the twist: whether you speak, hear, or neither — you still can’t escape vocabulary. It may be through words, gestures, or silence, but your “language” always ends up shaping your character.

Rewriting Your Subconscious Vocabulary

The good news is your subconscious is not a cement wall. It’s more like a chalkboard — what’s written there can be erased, rewritten, and polished again. But just like software, the update takes time, patience, and a few reboots.

How do you install better words?

Speak positively: Every time you say “I can’t,” your brain quietly files it under “permanent truth.” Flip it to “I can’t yet,” and you just left the door open.

Surround yourself with positive people: You absorb words like Wi-Fi signals. If your circle is always complaining, your mind becomes a complaint counter. If your circle is encouraging, you’ll start echoing that.

Read uplifting books: Books are the original word factories. Read enough of them, and your vocabulary becomes healthier by default.

Listen to inspiring talks: Hearing powerful words spoken out loud has a strange way of sneaking into your subconscious. It’s why people remember one motivational line for years but forget an entire 3-hour movie.

Does this really work? Yes.

Affirmations: Studies show repeating positive statements can rewire how you see yourself, especially if you back them with small action.

Gratitude journaling: Writing down three positive things a day reshapes the brain’s attention — it trains you to notice what’s working, not just what’s broken.

Therapy: Cognitive-behavioral therapy often focuses on catching negative words and reframing them. It’s literally professional vocabulary editing.

And here’s the fun part — your brain doesn’t update instantly. It’s like downloading a big software patch. Sometimes it installs smoothly, sometimes it gets stuck at 78% and you need to restart the system with tea and sleep. But if you keep at it, the new “words program” slowly replaces the old one.

I’ve tried this myself. Once, instead of saying “I’m too busy,” I forced myself to say, “I’m prioritizing.” It felt silly at first, but slowly it changed the way I looked at my day. Suddenly, my work wasn’t attacking me; I was in charge. A single word changed the script.

So the real hack is this: words went into your subconscious one repetition at a time, and they’ll come out the same way — one conscious choice at a time.

Conclusion – The Only Way We Are Understood

At the end of it all, our words are the only visible part of our mind. Nobody can peek into your thoughts, dreams, or intentions — they only see the language you put out. Words are how you are remembered, judged, loved, or ignored.

That’s why in MindFlow, I give so much importance to the language we speak — and also the language we don’t. Because the moment a word leaves your lips, it becomes real. It shapes not just how others see you, but how your own mind flows inside you. Silence too is a language; sometimes it speaks more powerfully than the loudest speech.

If you want to change your life, don’t wait for miracles — start with the words you use. Speak with clarity, with kindness, with purpose. Because life is nothing but an echo. It will give you back exactly the words you keep sending out.

And if all this still sounds too philosophical, do me a small favor: open your last 50 WhatsApp messages. That’s your autobiography right there — half emojis, half misspellings, and the occasional “good morning” flower. That, my friend, is the story you’re writing every day without realizing it.

So write it better. Speak it better. Live it better. Because your words are not just words — they are you.