You Are Not Your Thoughts — And That Changes Everything

Last week, I went to play badminton in the morning. I was half asleep, ankles tight, racquet in hand, wondering why humans invent games that require jumping at 6 AM.

First rally, I was slow. Second rally, still slow. Third rally, my partner smashed the shuttle right at my feet, and I missed it by one full kilometre.

Immediately the thoughts came:

“Why am I so lazy?” “Why am I like this?” “I should have slept early.” “I should have eaten less last night.”

One after another, like a railway announcement system that never shuts down.

I could feel irritation rising. The mind was restless. And in that exact moment, something interesting happened.

I didn’t try to change the thoughts. I didn’t argue with them. I didn’t tell myself motivational quotes.

I just watched.

Like watching rain through a window.Thoughts came like a sudden Chennai storm —loud, messy, emotional.

But they were not me.

I was not angry. Anger was happening. I was not irritated. Irritation was happening.

There was a 2-second gap. A tiny distance.

That separation changed everything.

My body was the same. Game was the same. Partner was the same.

But I was different.

For two seconds, I was not my thoughts. I was the one watching my thoughts.

I smiled. That’s all. No big enlightenment, no violin music, no halo. Just a simple smile that felt strangely powerful.

Later, when I was cooking fish for the kids, the same thing happened. Normally, when the oil splashes and my fingers burn, I give a detailed speech on life and destiny. But that day, I just watched the irritation. It came. It went. Like visiting relatives.

That’s when I realised: This is Mind Flow.

Not a philosophy. Not a spiritual project. Not a complicated course.

It is what I try to do every day.

Because life is not a mountain to climb. It is traffic.

You don’t conquer it. You navigate it.

Sometimes the signal is green. Sometimes red. Sometimes a cow stands in the middle of the road and looks at you like you are the problem.

Flow is the only way.

Mind Flow is how I stay sane: as a banker, father, writer, friend, human.

I have fears. I have mistakes. I eat unnecessary snacks. I get irritated. I fall into potholes. My back becomes stiff. My plans break. My thoughts misbehave.

But something changed when I saw that tiny gap.

I realised: I am not my thoughts.

Thoughts are weather. I am the sky.

That morning in the badminton court, I did not become a better player. I still lost most rallies. But I won something else.

A small space inside me opened. Enough to breathe. Enough to watch. Enough to be free for a moment.

And that moment is enough. Because once you see it, you can never unsee it.

That is where this blog begins.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

We think thoughts are us. They sound like us. They use our voice. They come from inside the head.

So it feels personal.

But thoughts are automatic. They come from old habits, old fears, old memories.

Most of them are recycled.

Reasoning

Neuroscience shows that a large percentage of thoughts arise from:

• Pattern recognition

• Survival instincts

• Habit loops

  
  

Daniel Kahneman calls these System 1 thoughts —fast, emotional, impulsive, and unreliable.

He gives a beautiful example:

When you see a shadow and assume it’s a snake before checking, that is System 1.It is useful for survival, but terrible for truth.

Example

Have you noticed how thoughts behave before sleep?

You try to rest. Mind becomes a monkey.

• Grocery list

• Office target

• Childhood memory

• Something embarrassing from 2007

• What if something bad happens?

  
  

None of this is useful. None of it is real. There is no brake.

It is simply noise.

Life Story

I remember one evening where my mind went wild. Nothing was wrong. Nobody said anything. Work was okay. Family was happy.

But inside my head, a cyclone was happening.

“What if this happens?” “What if that fails?” “What will they think of me?”

I felt heavy, restless, irritated.

Then I went for a walk. Walked slowly. Just looked at the trees, traffic, sky.

Within 10 minutes, the cyclone was gone.

Life outside didn’t change. Only my thoughts changed.

That’s when I realised something simple: If a thought can vanish in 10 minutes, it cannot be the real me.

Reference

From Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman says:

“The mind is a machine for jumping to conclusions.”

Thoughts jump first. Awareness must walk behind and check.

That checking is Mind Flow.

“Thoughts are visitors. You are the home.”

You Are Not Your Emotions

Emotions feel stronger than thoughts. When anger comes, it feels like a personality.

“I am angry.” No. Anger is happening. You are the one watching it.

Reasoning

Emotions are biochemical reactions.

Robert Sapolsky spent 30 years studying stress hormones. He explains that emotions:

• Rise quickly

• Peak

• And fall naturally

  
  

Like waves.

Fear is adrenaline. Love is oxytocin. Sadness is serotonin. Happiness is dopamine.

Chemicals.

Example

Morning irritation is a classic.

You wake up irritated at everyone. Then you have tea. And suddenly you love humanity again.

Did the world change? No.

Chemistry changed.

Life Story

One evening at home, I was angry with someone at work. I was replaying the conversation again and again.

Later that night, I was laughing with the same person on WhatsApp. Same human. Same mind. Different chemicals.

Anger came. Anger went. Not permanent.

This shows something important: If an emotion can disappear so quickly, it cannot be identity.

Identity is more stable.

Reference

In Behave, Sapolsky writes:

“We think we choose our emotions. Mostly, they choose us.”

He shows how hormones influence behaviour:

• Cortisol spikes → irritation

• Oxytocin rises → bonding

• Serotonin drops → sadness

  
  

None of this is personal.

“Emotions are weather. Identity is climate.”

Impactful insight so far

Thoughts come and go. Emotions rise and fall.

If thoughts were identity, we would change identity every five minutes.

If emotions were identity, we would become new people after every cup of tea.

So we need something deeper.

You Are Not Your Plans

Plans look very strong on paper. Charts, calendars, diets, workouts, business targets…

Everything is perfect at 10 PM on Sunday night.

Then Monday morning arrives. And reality enters with slippers.

Reasoning

Plans belong to imagination. They haven’t happened yet.

A plan is a wish. Action is the test.

Neuroscience shows that planning activates the prefrontal cortex —the part that imagines, predicts, dreams.

But execution activates:

• Discipline

• Habit

• Environment

• Energy

  
  

That is harder.

Example

Diet plans are classic.

Monday morning:“ I will eat clean. Only salads. No oil.”

Wednesday night: You are sitting with murukku in one hand and Instagram in the other, wondering how life works.

Plans are dreams. Life is messy.

Life Story

When I planned to lose weight, I made a perfect Excel sheet:

• Calories

• Steps

• Workouts

• Meals

  
  

It looked beautiful. I was proud of myself.

Then the real world happened.

Some days the plan worked. Some days it failed. Some days I forgot I even made a plan.

What helped me lose weight was not the plan. It was the one repeated action: I stopped eating after 3 PM.

No drama. No motivation. Just one rule.

Small, repeated action.

James Clear says in Atomic Habits:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

Reference

Atomic Habits shows that:

• Systems create results

• Habits beat motivation

• Repetition beats planning

  
  

A big plan on paper is less powerful than a small habit every day.

“Plans are dreams. Action is where they touch earth.”

You Are Not Your Past

The past feels heavy because memory feels real. But memory is not fact. Memory is editing.

The brain is a storyteller.

Reasoning

Memory is not a recording. It is reconstruction.

Every time you recall something, your brain rewrites parts of it.

That is why childhood stories change depending on mood and age.

Example

Your school days:

• Sometimes they feel golden

• Sometimes they feel painful

• Sometimes they feel funny

  
  

Which version is true? All of them. None of them.

The story keeps changing.

Life Story

My Mind Coach career has so many versions.

There was a time I told people, “I worked very hard and climbed.”

Another time I told people, “I was lucky. Right place, right time.”

Both were true. Both were incomplete.

My past is not me. It is just a chapter.

A chapter is not the whole book.

Reference

Oliver Sacks, in The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat, shows:

• People with perfect memory

• People with broken memory

  
  

Both had identity. Identity was separate from memory.

He writes:

“Memory is not a storehouse. It is a drama.”

“Your past is a story. You are the storyteller.”

You Are Not Your Roles

This one is deep and often painful. We mistake roles for identity.

Husband. Father. Manager. Friend. Boss. Child.

These roles change with time, place, and context.

Reasoning

If a role was identity, you would lose identity every time your role changed.

But you don’t.

When we change location, language, job, responsibility —the role changes, but you remain.

Example

Think of yourself in these different settings:

• At the Office

• At home

• With your kids

• With your friends

• With your parents

• Alone at night

  
  

You are slightly different each time. Different energy. Different tone. Different responsibilities.

But something underneath is constant.

Life Story

When I moved to Trichy, my role changed:

• New office

• New expectations

• New colleagues

  
  

But inside, I was still me.

When I go home on weekends:

• I cook fish for the kids

• I listen to my wife’s day

• I walk with her

  
  

Another role. Same person.

When I sit alone at night writing:

• No role

• Just me

  
  

That moment reminds me: Roles are costumes. We are the actor wearing them.

Reference

Erving Goffman, in The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, says:

“We are performers on different stages.”

We act different roles:

• Polite in office

• Relaxed at home

• Funny with friends

• Serious in emergencies

  
  

The role changes. The observer remains.

“A role is what you do. You is who watches.”

If You Are Not These… Who Are You?

When people hear: “You are not your thoughts. ”they immediately jump to the next logical idea:

👉 “Then I am what I do.”

It sounds smart. It feels practical. It is almost true.

But it is not complete.

Reasoning

Imagine this:

• A newborn baby

• A person in hospital

• Someone grieving the death of a loved one

• An elderly person who can barely move

  
  

They do very little.

Yet nobody would say they have no identity.

They are still someone.

Identity cannot be only performance.

Example

When my grandmother was old, she could not do much.

She did not cook. She did not earn. She did not plan. She did not build anything.

But when she sat in the living room, everyone sat a little closer.

Her presence changed the room.

That was identity .Not action. Not achievement.

Presence.

Love is sometimes not in action, but in being there.

Reference

Viktor Frankl writes in Man’s Search For Meaning:

“Human dignity exists even in suffering. Even in nothingness, a person can choose meaning.”

Identity is not a scorecard. Identity is purpose and inner freedom.

Frankl survived Auschwitz not because he did many things, but because he chose how to see his situation.

That choice was identity.

“A person is more than their scorecard.”

You Are What You Repeatedly Do, With Awareness

Here is where identity truly lives.

Not in plans. Not in emotions. Not in past. Not in roles.

Identity is created through repeated action with awareness.

Reasoning

Neuroscience has a rule:

Repetition creates neural pathways.

This is how habits form.

Donald Hebb said it famously:

“Cells that fire together, wire together.”

If you do something again and again, the brain builds it into your identity.

Awareness is important.

If you act without awareness, you are driven by brainstem:

• Impulse

• Fear

• Habit

  
  

If you act with awareness, you use the prefrontal cortex:

• Choice

• Direction

• Intent

  
  

This is Mind Flow.

Examples

• If a fearful person walks forward every day

  
  

  → identity becomes courage

• If someone intends kindness but acts cruel daily

  
  

  → identity becomes cruelty

• If someone lies every day

  
  

  → identity becomes dishonest

• If someone meditates daily

  
  

  → identity becomes calm

  
  

Not because of thought. Not because of emotion. Because of repetition.

Life Stories

My own life is proof.

• I stopped eating after 3 PM every day.

  
  

  That habit created freedom and confidence.

• I play badminton every morning.

  
  

  I am not a champion.

  
  

  But the identity is active.

• I write every week.

  
  

  Slowly, a writer identity formed.

  
  

  Not from talent, but from repetition.

Identity is not born in one day. It is carved.

“One act is an event. Repeated acts shape character.”

Thoughts vs Awareness vs Action

To understand identity, you must understand the brain.

There are two big players:

• Brainstem → fast, impulsive, survival

• Prefrontal cortex → awareness, choice, direction

  
  

Thoughts usually come from brainstem:

• Fight

• Flight

• Habit

• Pattern

  
  

Awareness comes from prefrontal cortex:

• Observe

• Decide

• Respond

  
  

Action is the bridge between them.

Examples

Impulsive eating:

• Brainstem says: “Eat the murukku now.”

Awareness says:

• “Wait. I am not hungry. I am bored.”

Action decides identity.

Reaction vs Response:

• Reaction: shout, anger

• Response: breathe, choose

  
  

This gap is Mind Flow.

Reference

Joseph LeDoux studied fear circuits in the brain.

He found:

Thoughts and feelings can arise without consciousness.

Awareness must be added later.

This is why meditation, journaling, mindfulness matter: they activate the prefrontal cortex.

“Thought is a spark. Action is the fire.”

The Formula

Now everything becomes simple.

📌 Thoughts are visitors. They come and go.

📌 Actions build identity. What you do matters.

📌 Repetition shapes character. One act is an event. Daily acts become identity.

📌 Awareness decides direction. Impulse → reaction. Awareness → response.

Real Life Examples

• Daily meditation → calm identity

• Daily lies → dishonest identity

• Daily complaining → negative identity

• Daily gratitude → peaceful identity

• Daily courage in small things → brave identity

  
  

Identity is not one big moment. It is hundreds of small, aware acts.

Conclusion — The Identity You Create

We spend too much time fighting ourselves. We want perfect thoughts. Perfect emotions. Perfect plans.

Life doesn’t work like that.

Nobody has perfect thoughts. Nobody has perfect emotions. Nobody follows every plan.

The mind is not a machine.It is a river.

And rivers are messy.They bend, they twist, they flood, they dry.

What matters is direction.

You don’t have to be perfect. You only need to move in the right direction, even if it is slow. Even if it is tiny. Even if it is clumsy.

Identity is not a sudden explosion. It is slow construction.

Brick by brick. Habit by habit. Day by day.

Don’t let thoughts scare you. Thoughts are visitors. They come. They go. You are the home.

Don’t let emotions depress you. Emotions are weather. They rise, they fall. Your climate is deeper.

Don’t fall in love with plans. Plans are paper.

Fall in love with small action. Small action has power.

You don’t need to do everything. Just choose something true, and do it with awareness.

A little bit today. A little bit tomorrow.

One honest step every day is enough. Identity will form by itself.

This is the quiet secret of Mind Flow:

📌 Awareness + Repetition = Identity.

A person who walks every day becomes a walker. A person who writes every week becomes a writer. A person who chooses kindness again and again becomes kind.

Direction > Ambition. Consistency > Talent. Awareness > Impulse.

You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You are not your past. You are not your roles.

You are the direction of your actions, repeated with awareness.

That is identity.

You don’t need to chase it. You build it — gently — through daily life.

In the end, it becomes simple:

Thoughts scatter and fade. Feelings rise and fall. Plans are paper.

Only actions write the story. With awareness, again and again.

That is who you are.