The Myth of Being Busy (and Other Fairy Tales for Adults)

Ask anyone how they are, and the answer comes ready-made: “Busy. ”It’s almost like people keep it in their pocket, along with their car keys and house key.

I’ve worked on ships where “busy” was a badge of survival. Someone was always running with a clipboard, someone else shouting at a radio, and the rest of us looking important just by frowning hard. Did all that activity always mean something useful was happening? Not really. Sometimes it just meant we were all pretending not to be the guy slacking near the engine room.

When I started writing, people assumed I was “keeping myself busy.” They’d ask, “So you’re busy these days with your books, ah?” I’d smile and nod, but inside I knew the truth: writing isn’t about being busy. It’s about sitting quietly with a blank page until words arrive — and half the time they don’t.

Even in my mind training journey, the assumption followed me: if you’re not visibly packed with meetings, sessions, and schedules, are you really working? I’ve always been clear on one thing — busyness doesn’t automatically mean productivity. In fact, it often hides the opposite.

🧠 The Psychology Behind Busyness

Here’s the catch: our brain actually enjoys the illusion of busyness. Every ping of an email, every meeting alert, every notification — it’s like a little “you matter” signal firing in the brain. Dopamine loves it. We feel important.

But importance and achievement are not the same thing. A man can spend his whole day attending meetings and feel heroic about it, only to realize he didn’t actually move a single thing forward. It’s like jogging on a treadmill and proudly saying you’ve reached Chennai from Trichy.

That’s the trap. Busyness looks like progress. It feels like progress. But when the dust settles, it’s often just… dust.

📉 The Cost of Busyness

Busyness looks glamorous, but it leaks from all sides.

Decision fatigue is the first thief. Roy Baumeister’s research on willpower showed how even small choices eat away at our mental battery. By the evening, choosing toothpaste feels like signing a peace treaty. I’ve felt this myself — after a long day of “being busy,” my brain has no energy left to decide whether to write another page or just attack the snack shelf. Guess who usually wins?

Creativity also packs its bags when the mind is constantly occupied. Neuroscience tells us that the Default Mode Network — the brain’s “idea factory” — only kicks in when you’re not actively forcing it. That’s why shower thoughts feel like divine revelations. But if you’re glued to back-to-back calls, don’t expect Newton’s apple to fall. The only thing that will fall is your eyelids.

Then comes the quiet damage: relationships. “I don’t have time” is the polite way of saying “You’re not on my priority list.” The truth? People don’t need your busyness. They need your presence. A coffee with someone who’s fully there beats ten dinners with someone scrolling through emails under the table.

And finally, the body keeps the score (to borrow Bessel van der Kolk’s famous line). Stress, shallow breathing, skipped meals, and no rest — that’s the real tax of busyness. We pay with headaches, acidity, and doctor visits, but proudly announce, “I was so busy today!” as if it’s a medal.

🔍 Why “Busy” is Lazy

Here’s the irony: busyness is often just laziness in disguise. Not the couch potato kind, but the lazy refusal to choose. It’s easier to fill the calendar with noise than to face the hard question: What actually matters today?

True productivity is not about 18-hour marathons. It’s about ruthless clarity. Greg McKeown, in his book Essentialism, says: “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” That line has haunted me more than once.

Think about it — you can spend eight hours in calls and look heroic. Or you can spend two focused hours on real work and move a mountain quietly. One looks busy, the other looks boring. But only one changes your life.

So yes, busyness isn’t a crown. It’s a comfortable hiding spot.

The Unbusy Achievers

Busyness is the easiest way to look important. But if you check the lives of people who actually shaped the world, most of them were suspiciously “unbusy.”

Warren Buffett — the nearly blank calendar - Bill Gates once peeked into Buffett’s appointment book and was shocked. Hardly anything was there. Buffett said, “You’ve got to keep control of your time. You can’t let people set your agenda in life.” Gates later admitted that he had learned the hard way: filling every square inch of the calendar doesn’t equal greatness, it equals exhaustion.

Jeff Bezos — three decisions a day- Bezos didn’t run Amazon by juggling fifty fires at once. He said if he made three high-quality decisions in a day, that was enough. He also protected his mornings for coffee, puttering around, and family. Imagine — the man who built a trillion-dollar company didn’t think he needed to “look busy.”

Bill Gates — Think Week- For decades, Gates would disappear into a cabin with a suitcase of books and papers. No meetings, no urgent calls, just silence and reading. Some of Microsoft’s biggest ideas were born not in boardrooms, but in these lonely retreats.

Charles Darwin — four hours, a walk, and tea- Darwin’s daily schedule looked like a lazy man’s dream. A couple of 90-minute work sessions in the morning, a stroll on his famous “Sandwalk,” and more tea than work. Yet those “few hours” gave us The Origin of Species.

Steve Jobs — walking meetings- Jobs loved serious conversations while walking. He believed movement cleared the head. No PowerPoints, no endless chairs, just steps and talk. Simple, but powerful.

👉 What unites them? They knew that idleness wasn’t wasted time — it was protected space where real ideas and real decisions happened.

“The key to success is not in doing more, but in protecting the time to think.” — Oliver Burkeman

Takeaway:

• Block two 90-minute deep work windows a day.

• Keep one empty half-day a week for long walks and thinking.

• Decide your top 3 things today, and ignore the rest.

  
  

The Importance of Boredom in an Overstimulated World

We live in a time where boredom is treated like a disease. Waiting in line? Phone. Stuck in traffic? Phone. Even inside the bathroom — let’s not even pretend.

But science keeps telling us: boredom is a gift.

The research on boredom and creativity- Psychologist Sandi Mann asked participants to copy phone numbers from a directory (a painfully boring task). Later, those people came up with far more creative ideas than the group who hadn’t been bored first. Why? Because when the brain isn’t entertained, it wanders — and wandering is where ideas are born.

The Default Mode Network- Neuroscientists talk about the Default Mode Network (DMN) — the part of the brain that lights up when you’re “doing nothing.” That’s when the mind knits together past experiences, imagines futures, and connects dots. In other words: daydreaming is not a waste of time; it’s mental gold mining.

Famous lives shaped by boredom

• J.K. Rowling thought up Harry Potter on a delayed train — not during a “busy” meeting.

• Newton’s apple didn’t fall while he was making to-do lists; it fell when he was idle in the garden.

• Nietzsche even said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how” — and that “why” often reveals itself in the pauses, not the rush.

  
  

The danger of constant excitement- Chasing endless novelty kills originality. Dopamine spikes from reels, notifications, or sugar rushes train the brain to expect constant stimulation. When everything is exciting, nothing truly excites.

Practical ways to “schedule boredom”

• The Ten-Minute Stare: Sit with pen and paper, no phone, no agenda. Just stare, let the mind wander.

• Monotony Moves: Fold laundry or take the same short walk daily. Let the repetition free your thoughts.

• Boredom Windows: Two five-minute pauses during the day — no devices, no music, just stillness.

  
  

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” — Dorothy Parker

A Peek Into Lives Unlike Ours

We live in “time poverty.” Even with washing machines, food delivery, and apps to book everything from cabs to caskets, we keep saying we don’t have time. Yet, across the world, there are communities that have chosen “time affluence.”

Time Affluence vs. Time Poverty

Psychologist Ashley Whillans from Harvard found that people who feel they have more time — even without more money — report greater happiness and health. Meanwhile, those who always feel “time-poor” suffer stress, poorer sleep, and less satisfaction in life. It’s not income that makes us rich; it’s time.

“Time affluence doesn’t require big changes. Even thirty minutes spent well can shift a life.” — Ashley Whillans

The Slow Towns (Cittaslow)

In Italy, the “slow town” movement began with small towns rebelling against fast food and fast living. They decided: no neon clutter, no supermarkets swallowing family shops, no racing traffic. Instead, they kept festivals, local bread, and conversations in the square. The idea spread worldwide — proof that slowing down can be a civic duty, not just a personal luxury.

Voluntary Simplicity

Minimalists aren’t weirdos sitting on empty floors. Research shows people who deliberately simplify — fewer possessions, fewer commitments — consistently report higher well-being. One study even called it “voluntary wealth.” Funny, isn’t it? You give away, and you feel richer.

Foragers & the Original Leisure Society

Anthropologist Marshall Sahlins once called hunter-gatherers the “original affluent society.” Why? Because they met their needs with only a few hours of work and spent the rest of the day socializing, resting, or telling stories by the fire. Compare that to us: we work 10 hours, and our only story is, “Boss shouted today, I ate curd rice, and here I am.”

Special People in Special Geographies

Certain places in the world quietly refuse busyness, and as a side-effect, they live longer, healthier, and happier. Dan Buettner called them the Blue Zones.

Okinawa, Japan — the power of Ikigai

Okinawans wake up with a sense of ikigai — a reason to live. They eat until they’re 80% full (hara hachi bu), and their moai (tight-knit social circles) keep loneliness at bay. If you’re 95 in Okinawa, chances are you’re still tending your garden.

Ikaria, Greece — the island where people forget to die

In Ikaria, afternoons mean naps. Evenings mean wine with friends. They eat greens, beans, olive oil, and laugh a lot. Researchers noticed something striking: people in Ikaria don’t just live longer, they forget to die. Mortality rates after 90 are astonishingly low.

Sardinia, Italy — shepherd’s steps

Sardinian men, especially shepherds, walk miles every day. They also have strong family ties and communities where elders are respected, not parked away. Add a glass of Cannonau wine (rich in antioxidants) and you see why they age so well.

Nicoya, Costa Rica — plan de vida

In Nicoya, elders talk about their plan de vida — life plan or purpose. They eat corn, beans, and tropical fruits, drink mineral-rich water, and maintain close family bonds. Their centenarians don’t just survive; they thrive.

Loma Linda, California — the Sabbath effect

This community of Seventh-Day Adventists stands out in the U.S. They eat mostly vegetarian diets, avoid alcohol and smoking, exercise, and most importantly: they keep a 24-hour Sabbath every week. Imagine — one whole day of rest, and science says it might be adding a decade to their lives.

“The single strongest predictor of how long you will live is not your genetics. It’s your social life.” — Susan Pinker, The Village Effect

🌱 A Common Thread

Whether it’s Okinawans with their gardens, Sardinians with their walks, or slow towns protecting their bread festivals, the lesson is simple: busyness kills joy, but rhythm builds life.

They are not running marathons of meetings. They’re living with pauses, laughter, beans, naps, and purpose. And somehow, they end up living longer than all of us who are “too busy” for all that.

🌱 The Mind Flow Perspective

All through history, we’ve mistaken busyness for worth. But flow is the opposite. Flow is about leaving space for life to move through you — with clarity, not clutter.

I’ve seen it on ships, where one man runs frantically while another calmly adjusts a single valve — and it’s the second man who keeps the vessel steady. I’ve seen it in writing, where a single honest sentence born after an hour of silence has more weight than ten noisy pages. And I’ve seen it in life, where a few moments of stillness with yourself can reset more than a year’s worth of “busy days.”

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell

Busyness is noisy. Flow is musical. The beauty of flow is that it doesn’t ask you to do more; it asks you to be more present.

⚡ Shift from Busy to Effective

If you want to trade noise for music, start small:

1. Replace “I’m Busy” with “I’m Focused.”

   Words shape reality. The first shuts the door, the second opens it.

2. Schedule Silence — even 15 minutes.

   Put it in your calendar the way you put in a meeting. Guard it.

3. Follow the 80/20 Rule.

   Most of your impact will come from a few things. Let the rest fall away without guilt.

4. Learn to Say No.

   Every “yes” to busyness is a “no” to what matters.

   
   

“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” — Greg McKeown, Essentialism

🌱 Flow

Flow is rhythm. It is stillness that gives birth to movement. The antidote to the busy epidemic is not productivity hacks, but the courage to pause.

And once you pause, you’ll see it: life was never asking you to keep running. It was waiting for you to start living.

Finally

Busyness fills hours, but it empties life.

The real question isn’t how much you’ve done today. It’s how much of today has truly belonged to you.

A calendar can be packed and still leave you hollow. Or it can be light and leave you full.

So look at your days differently. Protect what matters, let go of the rest. Give space for silence, for people, for yourself.

In the end, nobody remembers how busy you were. They remember how present you were.