"Anchors or Addictions: What’s Really Holding You Together?"

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”— Viktor E. Frankl

Some evenings, I feel like the world is just one emotionally triggered species away from outsourcing its entire mental stability to a chatbot. And I say that with full awareness that I, a person who teaches people how to train their mind, often need a steaming cup of chai just to keep my mind from doing a backflip into chaos.

We’re entering a time where I genuinely believe most mundane human tasks — from folding clothes to filing tax returns — will be handled by machines smarter than most of our group chats. AI-integrated robots won’t just assist us; they’ll co-exist with us. Efficient, polite, and gloriously unfazed by human mood swings. No sighs. No “seen” and ignored messages. Just clean logic and perfect facial recognition.

Sounds great, right?

Maybe too great. Because here’s the paradox:

The more intelligent our systems get, the more emotionally clumsy we seem to become.

And so, as the world slowly gets vacuumed into voice commands and automated empathy, we humans continue to lean on our own little emotional anchors. Mine? A hot cup of chai.

Not just any chai — that chai. The one that knows exactly how I feel, without asking. The one that warms my hands, my tongue, and my slightly scrambled brain. I used to think it was a harmless reset. A tiny pause between intensity and insight. But the truth is, I’ve trained myself so well into using chai as a psychological switch, it’s now sipping back at me.

It started with needing one cup to calm down. Then another to think clearly. Then one “just because it’s raining.” Next thing you know, I’m in a full-fledged liquid calorie contract with my own coping mechanism — completely convinced I’m still on a clean diet.

So today’s conversation isn’t about tea. Or robots. It’s about what we all run to when our inner world short-circuits. From comfort foods to endless reels, from gods to gurus, from a mother’s phone call to a nicotine puff — we all have our anchors.

Some heal us. Some hold us. Some hijack us.

Let’s talk about them.

Let’s decode why we reach for them, how they help, and when they quietly cross the line from support system… to subtle addiction.

🚪 The Emotional Escape Rooms We All Secretly Book

Let’s be honest — no matter how sorted, spiritual, or self-aware we claim to be, life occasionally throws a mood tantrum. And in those moments, what do we do?

We run.

Not physically (unless you’re one of those rare people who goes jogging when sad — in which case, you scare me).

We run emotionally. Into familiar corners that promise safety. Or sugar.

🥪 1. The Fridge is the First Therapist

For many, emotional anchoring begins with food. And not just any food — emotionally overqualified food. The kind that hugs you from the inside.

You’re angry? Eat. You’re bored? Eat. You’re confused? Chai. You’re happy? Let’s celebrate with biryani.

We convince ourselves it’s just one biscuit. But that one biscuit had a family. A packet. And suddenly, you’re emotionally connected to twelve of them.

Some people binge on snacks. Some sip cola like it’s wisdom in disguise. Some have mastered the art of casually finishing an entire peanut jar without blinking.

And the worst part? We call it a “cheat day” — as if we’re the ones in control. Spoiler alert: we’re not.

📺 2. Digital Drownings: Reels, Series & Reality Escapes

Then there’s the screen — that shiny emotional exit door you can carry in your pocket.

You open Instagram for “five minutes” and three hours later, you’ve watched 42 reels on how to chop onions faster, learned a new dance step you’ll never use, and emotionally invested in a dog that now has more followers than you.

Netflix is no better. It’s designed to never let you grieve a season finale — because the next episode is already buffering while your tears are still fresh.

These platforms aren’t just distractions. They’re anesthetics. They numb you just enough to forget what hurt. But only until the auto play stops.

🚬 3. Smoke Screens & Sip Solutions

And then there are the darker anchors. The ones that promise escape, but come with a bill — and not just financial.

A puff, a drink, a shot — for some, it’s the only silence they know. It begins as a mood fix. A stress reliever. Then, before you know it, it’s not about feeling better — it’s about not feeling at all.

We rarely talk about it, but many people light a cigarette not out of habit, but as a ritual to avoid an emotion. Alcohol, too, often becomes a celebration of not having to face yourself for one more night.

📞 4. The People We Call (Again. And Again.)

Some of us don’t turn to things — we turn to people. That one friend who listens. That one mother who gets a four-hour update on how we saw a butterfly and cried.

Daughters call their mothers every day, narrating stories with the detail of an Oscar-winning screenplay. And yet, even after the call, there’s still more left to say. It’s not about the content. It’s about the comfort.

Humans are anchoring each other — often unknowingly. Sometimes beautifully. Sometimes exhaustingly.

🧳 5. The Road Trip That’s Actually a Mental Exit

Then comes the travel bug. Not the one that wants to explore. The one that wants to escape.

A drive to Pondicherry. A flight to Goa. A trek to nowhere.

Not because we want to see something new, but because we don’t want to feel something old.

We pretend it’s about the mountains. But it’s mostly about not being inside our head for a while.

🕉 6. The Spiritual Buffer Zone

When emotions get too heavy, some people switch to “airplane mode for the soul.”

They visit temples. Ashrams. Watch videos of spiritual gurus with calming backgrounds and unnecessarily slow hand gestures. Because sometimes what we seek isn’t advice — it’s atmosphere.

We don’t want instructions. We want incense.

And strangely, it works. For a moment, it feels like we’ve handed our chaos to someone else to hold.

🙏 7. And Then, There’s God.

The last resort. The invisible anchor. The one we often ignore until every other anchor fails.

We fold our hands. Close our eyes. And say something between a prayer and a bargain. And thankfully, God doesn’t interrupt. Or ask for context. Or say “Seen.”

He just listens. Or maybe doesn’t. But the illusion that someone might… somehow heals us a little.

In short, everyone has a thing. A person. A substance. A playlist. A packet of chips. A path to a temple. Or a path to the fridge.

We all anchor ourselves to something — because unanchored emotions drift fast and crash hard. The key isn’t to judge the anchor. The key is to ask — Is it holding you still? Or pulling you under?

Why We Choose These: The Magnetic Traits of Emotional Anchors

Our emotional anchors aren’t random—they share a set of captivating qualities that make us reach for them again and again. Here’s a fun breakdown of what makes them tick:

1. Excitement & Emotional Uplift

Anchors offer a spike of dopamine—or at least a cozy surge of relief. They tilt our mood from meh to meh-but-manageable, giving us an emotional jolt.

2. Distraction or Pause from Routine

Think of them as life’s “pause buttons.” They yank us out of monotony or chaos. Science shows distractions can reduce distress—what psychologists call “affect labelling” or emotional pausing.

3. Novelty or Comparative Social Perspective

They are little windows to “something different”—be it a new snack, a reel, or a travel feed. We glimpse someone else’s story and feel oddly better.

4. Shared Values or Similarity

Comfort is warmest when we feel understood. A friend who just “gets it,” a guru who speaks our language, or even a meme that resonates—it all feeds our need for emotional resonance.

5. “Telescopic Effect” — The Zoom-Out Perspective

Some anchors help us see the forest. Temples. Mountains. Philosophers. They create distance, sending our minds from drama to “What really matters?”

6. Holistic Soothing — Body, Mind & Spirit

A sip of chai doesn’t just hit taste—it warms nerves. A guru’s chant soothes mind. These anchors heal on multiple levels—sound, smell, sensation, spirit.

7. Feel‑Good Factor—Comfort & Nostalgia

They wrap us in familiarity. Childhood treats, a mother’s voice, a certain scent—they create tiny time machines into safety and joy.

8. Pause Mechanism—Interrupts Emotional Stress

They yank us out of spirals. A song, a smoke, a meme—they snap us awake from our own mental loop—like stepping out of an emotional VR glitch.

But that’s not all. Research adds fascinating nuance:

Sensory Triggers: Anchors can be visual, auditory, kinesthetics, olfactory, or gustatory—from a peppermint to a handshake

Memory & Emotion Bonding: Repetition + emotional charge = an anchor that sticks in neural circuits 

Intention Matters: Anchors work best when created intentionally—but often we create them accidentally (like the chai habit!) 

Emotionally Anchored Bias: Even something irrelevant can shape our emotional judgments—it’s why we buy expensive cars after seeing pricier ones—our emotions get anchored too.

👍 The Bright Side of Emotional Anchors

⛳ Grounding During Distress - Emotional anchors are little emotional anchors—literally—helping us stand firm in emotional storms. Harvard calls it “dropping anchor on big emotions” so we don’t drift away during tough times.

🔋 Lightweight Emotional Reset - A quick emotional reboot: a chai sip, a playlist, a hug—or in clinical terms, emotion-focused coping—can lower stress and boost emotional health 

🧠 Comfort & Temporary Relief - Whether it's bingeing on popcorn or lighting incense, sometimes you just need relief now—and anchors deliver. They stop emotional bleeding when nothing else will.

🧩 Cognitive Framework for Emotional Regulation- Techniques like Accept-and-Commit Therapy use anchors deliberately. They're mini emotional scaffolds that frame, regulate, and guide our feelings 

👫 Social & Relationship Boosts- Sharing feelings with loved ones not only eases pain but actually strengthens bonds. Emotion sharing fosters trust, closeness, and healing 

⚠️ The Dark Side of Emotional Anchors

“We all have an anchor. Some choose weights.”— Anonymous

🔗 Risk of Dependency or Avoidance - Lean on anchors too hard, and they become crutches. What started as a helper can turn into a jailer—possibly preventing real growth 

⏳ Short-Term Relief Doesn’t Fix Roots - These anchors soothe symptoms—but rarely resolve the underlying issues. They’re band-aids, not scrubs.

⚠️ Physiological Harm- Emotional eating, smoking, drinking—they might feel good now, but can lead to obesity, addiction, liver damage, anxiety, and yes, the dreaded “liquid calories” 

📉 Emotional Overload or Shutdown- Suppressing or escaping emotions doesn't neutralize them—it stores them. Emotional stuffing leads to burnout, aches, and relational rifts 

🧠 Biased Thinking & Anchoring Effects- In emotional anchoring, even irrelevant cues can skew our thought processes. One mood-triggering movie or chant yesterday can bias everything we feel today 

⚖️ Misaligned Support- Not all support fits—getting advice when you need a hug, or harsh feedback when you're hurting, can increase stress, not relieve it

🧨 When Comfort Turns Carnivorous: Never Let This Be an Addiction

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”— F. Scott Fitzgerald

Every addiction starts with a whisper. A puff. A sip. A scroll. A thought that says: “Just this once, I need this.”

And for a while, maybe you do. The world is loud, your head is heavier than your inbox, and all you want is to feel better for a minute.

So you light up. Pour a drink. Binge a reel. Slam some sugar. Escape your mind.

And it works. That one minute… feels heavenly. But here’s the catch: the brain remembers.

Not the stress. Not the problem. Just the relief.

So the next time pain knocks, your brain doesn’t ask for logic. It asks for the shortcut.

And that’s where the story begins.

🎢 The Addiction Spiral: A Masterclass in Self-Sabotage

🔁 The Trigger - Something upsets you. Or maybe nothing does—you’re just tired of existing that day.

⏳ The Instant Relief - You take the anchor. The chai. The smoke. The scroll. The sip. The serotonin walks in like a guest with no baggage.

📈 The Increasing Reliance- Now it’s your go-to. You tell yourself you’re in control. And ironically, you are… until you're not.

🧱 The Tolerance Wall- Your body and mind get used to the shortcut. One puff becomes five. One drink becomes a bottle. One hour of reels becomes your whole night. The anchor needs more fuel now.

💣 The Harm Phase- What once felt like a friend now feels like a need. And like all toxic friendships—it starts to take more than it gives. Health. Time. Relationships. Self-worth. Gone, one hit at a time.

🧠 What Makes It Dangerous?

Because it’s silent at first. No alarms. No warnings. Just a routine that feels like relief… until one day, you’re not managing life anymore — life is managing you.

Addictions don’t scream. They seduce. They arrive in soft excuses:

·       “I deserve this after the day I’ve had.”

·       “This is the only thing that calms me.”

·       “I can stop whenever I want.”

But behind every addiction is a truth we often ignore:👉 It only solves temporary problems that would’ve passed anyway… and creates permanent ones that don’t leave.

🛑 The Difference Between Support & Trap

“What you run from owns you. What you face sets you free.”— Anonymous

A true emotional anchor holds you steady during storms. But an addictive anchor pulls you under during calm too.

The difference?

·       One gives you the control.

·       The other owns your decisions.

So take your chai. Take your pause. Call your friend. Cry in your pillow. Take a walk. Binge a show. But watch your mind. Don’t confuse relief with healing. Don’t confuse escape with growth. Don’t confuse a break with a breakdown.

Because when anchors become addictions, we don’t just lose time — we lose ourselves.

❤️ 6. Do We Need Emotional Anchors?

Short answer: Yes. Absolutely.

It's not a question of whether—it’s how. Human brains are wired to seek anchors. Nature, nurture, or Netflix—all of us have go‑to emotional lifelines. Science backs it: even brief walks in green spaces reduce stress and boost emotional regulation .

Anchors are human nature, not flaws. They build resilience. They help us stay steady in the storm 

🛠️ The Art of Choosing Right Emotional Anchors

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.”— Akshay Dubey

The flip side? Not all anchors are built equal. The magic lives in the conscious selection of ones that actually help, not hijack:

1.     Respects your goals & values - Does drinking soothing herbal tea at night align with your well-being? Great. Does binging on midnight snacks clash with it?

2.     Doesn't compromise health or relationships - A hug, a tai‑chi move, a 10‑minute nature walk—yes. A bottle ritual or emotional eating till you burst—definitely no.

3.     Provides consistent support, not habitual escape - Readily available anchors like nature, mindful breathing, a trusted friend's call—helpful. But auto-trigger panic mode anchors—be cautious.

🌟 Qualities of a Healthy Emotional Anchor

“Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is relax.”— Mark Black

Scientific and intuitive wisdom highlight these traits:

Accessibility- - Should be there when stress knocks. A deep breath? A photo from a forest walk? Ideal. 

Responsiveness & Emotional Engagement- It “answers” you. A chant, nature’s breeze, a caring voice—they engage with your feelings. 

Non-judgmental & Unconditional- It doesn’t say, “Again?” It's simply there. Like a guru or a tree—quiet and accepting. 

Holistic & Growth-Oriented- Sure, a chocolate bar feels good. But a mindful walk builds mood and mindfulness. One is a sugar-fix; the other, emotional scaffold.

Mindful Repetition- Anchors get stronger with intentional use. A daily chant, regular nature walks, nightly journaling—they work better when you mean them. 

Safe Triggers - Taste, song, mantra—only if they don’t threaten your health or harmony. Your anchor should guide. Not drag you under.

🌱 Why This Matters

Picking the right anchor is like choosing a lifelong companion—not a fleeting fling. It’s what keeps you steady, not stuck; growing, not gagging on autogenerated comfort.

Keep your emotional anchor close, but make sure it’s lifting you up, not dragging you deeper.

🌈 Conclusion: Your Anchor, Your Call

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”— Jon Kabat-Zinn

Let’s face it—life doesn’t come with shock absorbers. But it does come with emotional anchors.

Sometimes, it’s a cup of chai. Sometimes, a phone call. Sometimes, a mountain. And sometimes, just silence that doesn’t judge.

These anchors aren’t our enemies. They’re not weaknesses. They’re survival instincts dressed in daily habits.

The only mistake? Is when we let them run the show. When the comforting chai becomes an hourly chai. When a one-time distraction becomes a full-time escape route. When we forget to live because we’re too busy pausing.

The truth is, emotional anchors aren’t the problem. Unconscious usage is.

So pick your anchors wisely—like you’d pick a travel companion. They should lift you when you're low. Pause you when you rush. And remind you of who you are—not help you forget.

Repeat them mindfully, not mindlessly. Don’t make them your permanent address. Let them be pitstops—not prisons.

Because at the end of it all, the goal is not to avoid emotions but to build a life strong enough to feel them all and still stay afloat.

So anchor yourself to what heals, what uplifts, what whispers,“ You’ve got this.”

And if ever you feel lost—just breathe, reset, and remember: Even your GPS says “Recalculating” without panicking. So can you.

🧠🍛 Next Week’s Teaser: “You Are What You Eat (And Sometimes What You Regret)”

Ever noticed how some meals make you calm and grounded, while others turn you into an overthinking philosopher with digestion issues?

Next week, we explore the deeply underrated relationship between your food and your mood. From gut bacteria negotiating with your emotions to the silent drama between your dopamine and dal rice, we break down how food quietly rewires your mind—one bite at a time.

🥦 Does vegetarian food keep you Zen?🍗 Does non-veg spark more fire in the belly (and brain)?

We’ll explore it all — science, psychology, and a bit of spiritual masala.

So if you’ve ever blamed your brain fog on butter chicken or thought salad made you boring… this one’s for you.

Mind meets menu — next week. Stay curious. Stay hungry.